New job, new outlook. New me.

So I been home for a few months and had trouble finding a decent job where I wasn’t expected to work for free. Today was my first day in the Illinois healthcare management position. I must say it’s a lot easier than I first thought it was going to be. Plus it’s closer than where I use to work before moving to California.

Apart from my new job I plan to start djing once again. But not the dj I was before. If all goes to plan people will soon see what I’m talking about.

I must say this opportunity couldn’t come at a better time. I was becoming depressed being at home being broke with nothing to look forward too.

Soon that will all change. Keeping the hope alive.


So yesterday I came across this really cool online show (on yahoo) about failure. The whole point of the show is about people that never became what they wanted or did what they wanted to do as kids because at one point or another they thought they would fail or were told they would. So now these people are 30, 40, 50, 60 and just now saying, you know what I’m going to do what I wanted to do as a child.

I fell in love with the show because it hits a chord in all of us. We are all afraid to fail, we don’t want people to see us fail only win. You don’t announce on Facebook when something you care about goes south. You just announce all the good things that happen to you. But we all fail, its natural.

Nobody wants to be known as a loser or what not but that makes us human. I have failed plenty of times and in the past 6 months it seems I fail at something everyday. Moved out, failed. Relationship, failed. Moved back, failed. Jobless, failed. But even though it’s really hard to keep my chin up, now I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m failing now but I’m doing something I love. I rather fail trying to accomplish something I love than win at something I hate. So, from now on, I will embrace my failure because one day it will make my successes that much sweeter.

I never met a true great girl, just really good actresses….

Story of my life. Through out history guys are always the dogs and cheaters. The ones that always fuck up a relationship. That might of been true a while ago but girls play the innocent role and supposedly they can’t do nothing wrong. The fragile ones. But in my experience that’s so not true. The fragile part yes. They are always the victims and even when they do everything wrong they always have a “great excuse” that we are suppose to just believe and forgive.

But anyway tomorrow I go back to my hometown. I’m really excited, I have a new plan and happy to be closer to my family. I grew and learned so much from this experience. I would do it all over again.

I guess ill be going home soon…

Sooo looks like ill be heading home soon. No one gives jobs if you’re not recommended by someone working there and no one helps out someone they don’t know or someone they know knows. Seeing as I literally don’t know anyone here I wont be able to do anything. The only thing I accomplished in moving here was wasting all my money, quitting my stable job, two relationships down the drain, going to have to sell all my things, loosing hope, and gained all the negative emotions that comes along with all these awesome things happening.


As I predicted, today I’m single once again. All you can do is laugh when someone you thought loved you so much doesn’t even fight to make things work. At the first opportunity they run 100 miles an hour in the other direction. Its okay, you learn from every relationship to make your next one better yet. Just hope the other person wants the same as you.

September 16 / Disclaimer

So, I originally thought I would keep a blog kinda like a diary but realized that was too much work lol So I guess Ill try my best to do that in days that are eventful but you will see some random posts in here as well. All the posts that have “the story I dont want you to hear” are the posts that will contain a diary style writing I guess you can say.

Oh, also sorry I am a horrible speller and it would take too long to go back and correct everything. So I want to apologize ahead of time! 

I will talk to you as soon as something exciting happens.  

August 10 (the story I dont want you to hear part 4)

Aug 10

Today started like a normal day, well normal now, but what was different was getting to Skype with my sister which I hadn’t done since I left home. It was a bitter sweet since she told me she was let go from her job. A job I told her to leave her then job to work there since that’s where I worked. I felt soo bad when she told me that and just felt like saying sorry. My sister hasn’t had an easy life and hasn’t been able to get back up on her feet. Till now though she at least had a “steady” job and she just was able to move to her own place with my niece a week ago. I was so happy for her when my niece told me they were getting their own place. And now seeing her face I had to stay strong and keep a straight face for her. 

June 22, 2011 , (story I dont want you to hear part 3)

I decided to go sleep at my girlfriend’s house since my room looked so sad. It was no longer my room, cold and empty with only signs that someone occupied the space before. We got to her house and went straight to bed. We got up extra early the next morning to get everything together and go to the U-Haul place. Once we tied up all the loose ends we went to rent the u haul, which took forever! Worst customer service ever. We were at the U-Haul place for a little over two hours. We got home and it started to rain but I had no choice but to load everything in the pouring rain. Of course, in typical Chicago fashion it stopped raining as soon as we were getting ready to leave. And in Chicago fashion it started to rain once we were close to getting to the uhaul station. My uncle accompanied me to help carry the boxes.

Once we got to the station and found the greyhound “office” I was sooo mad. It was literally a shack! I told the guy working there that I had gone to drop off boxes to be shipped. He said that that was fine and I could drop them off in front of the window. You see the greyhound station was inside a train station. But it was a small train station the kind that looks like a tent and has an office inside it. So everyone getting off or on the train will be passing in front of my boxes while the guy who barely spoke English and barley was able to walk to try and stop someone from taking off with my boxes. So I caught an attitude and let him know I was not going to do that. Plus it was raining!  He finally said it was fine to leave the boxes inside the office. He pointed and said I copuld bring them in through the back. Im thinking there is more space than meets the eye in back of the office.

Nope, I was wrong. What you saw when standing in frnt of his window was a cramped 6 by 6 foot space with a computer and papers everywhere. To the left was a door which I assumed led tro the storage area. Once I took the first box into this storage area I found out that the door led into a small “walkway” that was literally 4ft by 5ft but had a cabinet that stood out about 2 feet so all that was left was space for one box and then maybe 2 more on top of that box. So I told him that I had 17 boxes and they were not going to fit. He opened another door that led into the bathroom. Yes the fucking bathroom. He said I could put the rest of the boxes there but had to leave enough space for him to get in and use the bathroom.

I was soo mad and gave give a look that would of killed him but I think he looked away and my look missed. Anyway, I had no choice or energy so I started unloading the rest of my crap. I got all my stuff off and found out I couldn’t take two or three boxes because they exceeding the weight. I had read on the the company website that they would simply charge you for the overweight items. Once again that wasn’t the case. This was not ok with me since once of those items was my big ass tv and the other box contained my computer, speakers, keyboard, and pretty much all my things needed to create music. And seeing as this is why I was moving, this was not ok. I had no choice but to deal with it later. After having to weigh and fill out all the paperwork for my things, since the guy was old and couldn’t see or write I was ready to leave home and get ready since my bus left at 8 but had to be there an hour early.

It was now 5 so I needed to hurry. Plus I had to get home and try to figure out a way to repack everything I couldn’t take, knowing some things I wouldn’t be able to take. My mom came up with the idea of trying to put my computer tower in a suitcase but I thought would never work since it’s a custom computer and its HUGE! But it did with about have an inch to spare on either side. We then filled it with shirts for padding and decided I needed to take my screen so we packed it in the side. Hoping for the best at this point. I went home showered and went to the station with my family. Everyone was quite and I tried making jokes and take funny pictures but only got fake smiles from everyone. I wanted to laugh from keep from breaking down or letting people see that I was dying and didn’t want to get on the bus and hoped it wouldn’t show.

But it did. As soon as the bus appeared everyone was quite and began to tear. I still was trying to smile and let everyone know it was going to be ok. My dad and I put the two big bags that now contained my computer and clothing on the bus and I gave everyone the last hug goodbye. I got on the bus and started to tear but I held my tears and just found an open seat since the bus was full of dumb teenagers or grownups acting like teenagers. The bus finally drove off leaving behind everyone I loved behind. 

June 21, 2011(story I dont want you to hear part 2)

I thought it was going to be an easy packing day for me, I thought I had packed everything and the only thing I had left was to pack my clothes. I stood up all night putting thing after thing in a box. Things would not stop appearing out of nowhere! Being surrounded by things all over the floor with literally no space to walk is no fun, especially when you’re looking at your girlfriend having what looks to be the best sleep of her life. I won’t lie I wanted to be her so bad.

The time was passing by and it seemed things just kept appearing. It was around 6 in the morning when I realized the reason I was moving to L.A was to become an artist, but had no demos to show. I recently purchased some cd cases and labels to make my own demos. So it took a while to actually make the labels, print them and have them done. By this time I was so damn tired. I decided to cuddle next to my girlfirend for 5 minutes but it turned to 4 hours or so. By the time I woke up I was freaking the hell out. I still had so much to do. I hadn’t finished packing my clothes, all of my studio stuff, or my TV. I had to make a box for all of my stands and my computer since stupid u-haul doesn’t sell boxes those sizes. I was able to build a box to fit all my stands but building a box to house my computer and moniters turned out to be little more difficult than I thought.

Eventually we gave up and my gf and I headed to u-haul around 5pm. I had to be at the bus station by 10 and I still had to drive about 45 minutes away to drop off all 20 boxes. We rushed to the u-haul store only to pick up a closet size box. We got the box, got the tape and waited. Waited for what you ask? For someone to decide they had the time to come see what the 4 customers in the store wanted while the u-haul employees dicked around in the back. No joke, 20-30 minutes later someone finally came to start ringing people up and to my luck the guy in front of me was renting a truck and he had no idea what the hell he was doing.

We finally got out of the store and rushed back home. I started putting everything in the box and by this point I realized I wasn’t going to make it to drop of the boxes. And per google, I had to drop off the boxes by 6. It was definitely passed 6. I was freaking out and while I kept packing my crap my gf was on the phone with the worst customer service person in the world. This person didn’t know how to spell, could hardly be understood, and had no idea what she was doing. She finally told my gf that ALL greyhound stations in Illinois where open 24 hours and we can drop off the boxes anytime, even though the location’s answering machine said it closed at 6. It was around 8 when I finally started bringing down the boxes from my room which is on the second floor. These weren’t small or light boxes, each box weighed over 70 pounds some up to 90. Both my dad and uncle were home but no one would help. My family saw me struggling, sweating, tired, in panic mode, and still no one would help. I was on like the 16th box when I was struggling to come down my stairs only to see my dad and uncle watching the stupid fucking soccer game! I was so pissed I literally wanted to punch them in the face. My mom finally told my dad to help and he reacted like he didn’t know I was moving to another state or even just struggling to do something.

My dad and uncle finally got up to help take the boxes to the van. The boxes had to be taken in 3 different cars. After getting all of the boxes in a car we all realized I couldn’t go to drop off the bpxes since it was at a different, further, greyhound location. So I went inside to shower and change, my gf and mom were still packing my carryon bags. As soon as I got out of the shower it started to rain so bad. I got the things in the car and drove to the bus station. I couldn’t see very well and when I was on the ramp into the highway I almost crashed because I care suddenly stopped. I was mad at first because I didn’t know why the hell he was stopping in the middle of the ramp. The car was moving towards the side when I was attempting to stop and then noticed he stopped because a light pole fell and was covering the ramp. I came inched from colliding with the pole. Luckily I didn’t, I reversed and went along to the side.

 We reached the location my phone was telling us but we saw no buses or anything. My inexperience had me thinking the greyhound station would have tons of buses awaiting to depart. Instead I was confronted with a sigal greyhound sign at a public bus station. I went in and out of the parking lot twice since it was just a big parking lot and saw one or two public buses going to park. Apparently I had to go in through the sign that says DO NOT ENTER BUSES ONLY. Even then I saw no sign of greyhound office or busses. I asked a couple who seemed they visited the station a lot and I was pointed in the direction of the greyhound office. Once I finally got to the office it was closed. This was a problem because I didn’t have enough time to go pickup my tickets earlier in the day but didn’t think it would be a problem since I was told earlier all Illinois greyhound offices were open 24 hours. Lies. While waiting on hold for customer service my mom received a call from my sister that they couldn’t find the other station and had to pull over because they couldn’t see the road. A customer rep finally got on the line and assured me I can just pick the tickets up tomorrow and leave on the next available bus. After finishing the conversation my mom received another phone call saying the other station was closed as well so there was no way to drop off the boxes. Without a choice I had to out everything on hold till the next day and hope for the best.

My mom, gf, and I got home and I finally got to eat something for the first time all day. Once my sister, dad, and uncle returned I had to unload all the boxes and put them in the garage. During this time my uncle offered to pay to rent a truck so it could be easier for me to take them to the station the next morning. This was very unexpected and even though pride was about to get in the way and say no, I said yes. 


Even if this is from the tumblrbot I guess Ill answer… It would have to be computers. Without them I wont be able to create music and of course watch sweet sweet porn.